Aussie Curves Vulnerable

VULNERABLE

Jo from ICurvy suggested this week's theme and it has been amazing. People have been digging deep and being so brave by showing their vulnerabilities. It has truly been very thought provoking.

Here's the thing. To look from the outside, I look pretty strong. I am smart, have a successful career, great kids and was married for 25 years. I am articulate and persuasive and have been told that I can be intimidating which really bugs me because that is never my intention. I can speak in front of a hall of strangers without breaking a sweat and I know this is a gift because so many others are crippled with anxiety about that. I am fiercely protective of the people I love and there are many of them. I have learned to be self reliant and to value what I bring to the world.

But just like yin and yang, all attributes have a positive and a negative side and this is my weakness. Because despite what I have written above , there is that voice in my head that says "you don't deserve to feel really secure in love"

My body does and doesn't come into it. I have always been fat. Not as fat as I am now but never skinny. Being overweight and half blind as a child meant I was not good at sport and being the oldest of six, that meant I was not encouraged to be sporty. After all there were plenty of other things I was good at that I could concentrate on. I was never encouraged to take an interest in clothes as a teenager because you couldn't easily get fashionable clothes above size 12, so I sewed mine. I didn't have a classic beauty so I rarely played with makeup until recently. 

I received the message as a young woman that I should be grateful to anyone who could love someone overweight like me. Even this year when daring to express a desire to meet someone new for the later half of my life I was told by my mother that my chances were pretty slim with the weight I am currently carrying! As if that thought hadn't occurred to me!

Despite those messages I am at peace with my body. I don't LOVE it but I accept it as part of me and I don't do battle with myself over it.

My dress style reflects the strength that I have had to develop. I put a lot of effort into looking "put together" at work. I try to dress to be approachable but still have authority. The message is " I might be overweight but don't you dare think that makes me lazy or stupid." My clothes are often quite structured and I wear shapewear frequently to give me smooth lines.

Today's outfit reflects a more vulnerable me.

Portraying a strong outer shell is my protection. In years of marriage I didn't realise but I was building walls to protect myself from hurt. Hurt because I didn't feel understood or supported. Hurt because I was told pretty early in the piece to be responsible for my own happiness. Its actually not bad advice really but at the time it felt like I was being pushed away. So I shut down and probably became less available and loving in return. End of confession and please don't think I am putting someone down. On the outside I am that strong confident woman but it's not always the same on the inside.

Vulnerability is not weakness. Actually I think it is quite the opposite. This dress reflects my desire to be vulnerable. To be open to being loved and to feel safe to bring the barriers down.

The fabric is soft and textured. The hem is really short for me which you cant see because we forgot to shoot a standing picture. But a short hem shows my very chubby knees. A part of my body I am not comfortable showing off.

It clearly does nothing to hide my big tummy.

But it invites hugs.

And it makes me feel open. Barriers down but warm and giving in return. When you open your heart you take a risk that hurt will come instead of joy. That is being vulnerable.

Perhaps vulnerability is not a thing to fear but a thing to embrace.

The other Aussie Curves women have been wonderfully open and awesome this week. Go check them out. It will be worth it. We have each other's back and I am very grateful.

Aussie Curves Feminine

So sad that I have missed recent challenges. Green, spike and  leather were all challenges I could have done but didn't because of time and the fact that DD is the best photographer in the house and she was busy writing essays for uni.
Feminine was initially a challenge in my head. I think of feminine as creamy lace, pearls, florals and frills. Not really my style. Don't get me wrong, I dressed my kids in beautiful hand made by me smocked dresses and have made some lacy Christening gowns in silk but when it come to what I wear, pastels just don't do it for me.
But then I realised my style has changed quite a lot and the majority of what I wear is feminine. When I started my current job over 10 years ago one of the (male) partners made a comment about how I never wore skirts. And he was right. My look was pretty much loose pants and t-shirt type tops with drapey vests or jackets over the top. And I made a lot of my clothes too because there was much less plus size clothing around.  But in recent years choices are so much better. And I wouldn't like to admit how many skirts I own but I wear skirts and dresses twice as often as pants. What a pity that partner is no longer working to enjoy the view! Yes I know pretty politically incorrect wasn't it.
So this outfit is a result of the recent City Chic sale.

I noticed the top the week it came into the store and loved the red colour in the ponti fabric with the drapey sleeves but was reluctant to pay full price. So glad it was in the sale and in my size.

And the skirt is, believe it or not, the ponti pencil skirt that everyone has been raving about. It is fairly high waisted and I am short waisted so it naturally falls high on my waist for me. I don't mind the outcome because it creates the illusion that I am wearing an empire line dress and I can swap the colours of the tops depending on my mood.

The belt is from Asos and I like the girly bow.

Don't you just love the texture of this paperbark tree?

So I just had to wear my pearls. They are the real thing. ( a 21st birthday present a century ago )

Curls tamed courtesy of my lovely hairdresser today.

I tried to get my earrings in the shot but my curls got in the way.

Thanks to my gorgeous girl for the photos.

Check out the other wonderful Aussie Curvettes in the linky below.

Aussie Curves Bodycon

Well this week is proof that the Aussie Curves challenge is meeting its goals. When I first started participating there would have been no way I would consider wearing a body hugging dress to show off every lump and bump in my generous figure. I saw Bodycon on the list early on and thought they have got to be kidding.
But change can happen. And my fashion style has definitely changed. I am getting used to the idea that wearing loose clothes doesnt necessarily hide anything you want to hide but closer fitting clothes have the effect of showing some of the curves that you actually like on your body.

I bought a bodycon peplum dress in the ASOS sale for this week. It has hung in my wardrobe for 2 months waiting for the right time. It was like this one but without the feathers. I guess if it has hung in my wardrobe that long there is a message that it is just not for me. I love the cut of the top helpf but the skirt is a little too tight and too short for my knees which are not the best part of me.

So try again.
Imagine my delight when I saw some bloggers showing a beautiful Scarlett and Jo dress for Evans. It was available in cobalt blue and red and now comes in softer spring colours.

I stalked that site until they were finally available online. And paid full price!

No regrets. I just LOVE this dress. Cant wait for the cooler weather so I can wear it out.

The dress is made of thick ponte and is as warm as wearing a fleecy tracksuit. It will be great in winter. It has power mesh lining to help your curves stay in place. The sleeves are part of the dress . Dont you love the shape of the black sides? They lend shape to my apple figure and give the illusion of a waist.

It looks lovely with a wide belt as well but belts are next week's theme,

Not sure if the new colours are made from the same material or something a little lighter seeing that they are from the spring range. I would like a lighter option but only so that I can wear this dress now. Every day. I am in love.

So check out the other lovely Aussie Curvettes. Body Con is a surprisingly good theme

Aussie Curves Black and White

This week's theme is Black and White. Now anyone who knows me knows I have a lot of black and white in my wardrobe. It is born of necessity because for ever and ever plus sized clothes have been very limited in the palette to black, black and black. Because, after all, black is considered flattering. And it is flattering to lots of people but mainly people with a winter colouring to their skin and I am more of a summer girl. So White with a splash of red brings my blacks to life.

I even planned a whole travel wardrobe around black, white and red during a trip to Europe 2 years ago which made a very functional travel wardrobe.

Yes, it's the Colosseum.

Herculaneum

But not many photos of that time have me in them for other reasons. It was a great trip but not a great time in my life. And I wasn't too keen on getting in front of the camera. I had many lessons of self acceptance to learn.

On to today.

I love pops of colour now and will take the chance to wear them frequently but there is still the drift towards the black and white when I am out shopping. They can be relied on to look good and not too out there for work.Combine them in a stripe and you could say " you had me at Hello.

So when this chevron stripe skirt came out from City Chic I knew I had to have it.

 I already had the peplum top from Asos but hadn't worn it yet.

I love the combination.

Still need to work on my poses though.

Check out this necklace from TS. I was shopping today and had gone into town to get something specifically from the Virtue catalogue. Unfortunately it wasn't in yet but this necklace spoke to me and said it would finish off my Black and White outfit for this week.

Just one final comment. I applied some pretty significant eye makeup for tonight's shoot. I cant believe how much the lights wash it out. You can hardly tell apart from the brow shaping courtesy of the benefit brow bar earlier today. Gonna have to work on this in the future.

This is a blog hop and as usual I am skipping in at the last minute. Now go and check out the other wonderful Aussie and New Zealand curvettes.

Aussie Curves: the swimsuit edition

Well I have to admit, like many of the other Aussie curves bloggers, this one was the one I faced with most trepidation. I have no problem getting into a swimsuit and in to the water. It is much easier now that I have a backyard pool but even before then, the experience of being in water is just too good to miss out on.

One of my favorite pastimes as a young person was to get into the surf and jump up and down in the waves. The feeling of cold salt water on the skin so refreshing on hot summer days. Of course, with my fair skin it had to be at either end of the day but I was lucky enough to live VERY close to the beach so heading down twice a day in the holiday was not an issue. And I NEVER had a bikini body. So I had to deal with it. Once you are in the water who cares anyway?

But putting it out there on the internet. That is another thing.

I have been bullied in a swimsuit. At our local public swimming pool I would go past young men as I kept an eye on my children and hear comments about whale and fat. It did upset me quite a lot. But then I thought who are you to stop me and my children from being in the water? In my line of work I encourage many people to enjoy the healing power of exercising in water and have heard so many times of the shame of exposing an overweight body in a swimsuit to the world. My answer? It's their problem. They can choose not to look at you but how dare they stop you from enjoying being active in water.

So even though I do not set a good example by keeping my weight under control. I choose to engage in life and not let my weight make that life any smaller than it has to be. So here it is. If you have got this far in my blurb you can now see the pics.

swimsuit Target, sunglasses Equip

I love a colorful suit. They are hard to come by in plus size but I like the crossover feature of this one. It is my favorite style because it feels secure in the surf.

A pashmina for a sarong goes double duty for sitting on the sand and keeping covered up at the beach.

But I have another cossie that makes me feel glam. So I decided to bling it up and channel the retro glamour that a cruise inspires. This Tankini from Citi chic is gorgeous. Even though I am not extremely well endowed in the bust department it gives a lot of shape. The bottoms are from Ezibuy the Sara range.

Swimsuit City Chic, necklace and hat Eumundi Markets. lipstick Maybelline

A nice wide brimmed hat and my lovely red shell necklace which I have worn before on Aussie curves and we complete the picture.

I must say I never wear red lipstick in the pool but this suit kind of demands it. Makes my backyard pool seem like it is somewhere dreamy. Now all I need is the lounge chair, the cocktail and the partner to share it with.

Phew, that's done. Now be nice in the comments and check out the other brave, gorgeous Aussie Curves women in our blog hop.

Aussie Curves Purple

Once again I am going right up to the deadline for a theme post. This week's Aussie Curves theme is Purple. Now I love purple but I find it hard to wear. There are so many different shades, some pinker than others and it is hard to match them or to layer. The purple I like is the very royal almost blue purple so imagine my joy when I recently walked into Autograph and found this little beauty.

I've styled it with a belt here to dress it down a little. This way I think it will be great for work.
But take the belt away and use a black background because the daughter says the yellow background washes me out and we get this

I dont even mind showing my arms in this dress. And I have to say I am still loving these Evans glitter toe cap shoes.

This outfit makes me smile.

Excuse the funny look but I am trying to show you I played with some purple eye shadow. Sephora in New York had a coffret with 100 shadow and blush colours. I bought one each for my girls. At $50 a pop I thought it made a good gift. So I borrowed one to play for myself. I am usually just a natural brown shadow girl so it was nice to be playful today.
As usual, this is a blog hop. And lots of the Aussie Curves girls have put together some great outfits. Check them out

Aussie Curves Second Hand

So this last week's theme has been second hand. Some of the other ladies on Aussie curves swear that some of my local second hand stores are great for opshopping but that kind of luck has never shone on me. I think if you are on the plus side of plus sized the pickings are pretty slim.
But having friends whose weight fluctuates can be a blessing and we often help each other out with cast offs as we go up and down.
One of the benefits of receiving your friend's cast offs is that you try items of clothing that you might not have picked off the rack.

 And so it came to be that this blue slightly see through off the shoulder top came to be in my wardrobe. A friend has lost weight and thought this might suit me.

 I teamed it with a white glomesh bag bought from the south end of Newtown where the prices are a bit more reasonable. I actually gave this bag to my youngest daughter for Christmas because she looks so good in the retro shape but I borrowed it for this shoot. The jeans were a purchase in New York and I love them. They were not cheap but Macys prices are still much better then Aussie prices for NYDJ jeans and I do rather like the indigo skinny look.

Excuse my daughter's bedroom but the light in there is too good and I don't have a full sized mirror in mine.

My necklace from Collette matches the top very well I think.
I have to dress quite smart casual for my job and always struggle to get the right kind of modern casual if I am going out to a pub or something like that. Never was my scene when I was younger but now that I am more relaxed about myself its nice to have some outfits that fit in better. I think this would be great for a drink with the girls or a night of pub trivia. Could even be fun to dance in.

Now where is that dance partner I could be looking for?

This is a blog hop. See what the other clever girls can do with second hand finds

Aussie Curves LBD

I'm just in time again but couldnt miss the little black dress theme. Being plus sized there are a few black dresses in my wardrobe. You have already seen one of my favourite black dresses here.
 Sometimes that's all you can find. But the concept of the special LBD is that it is one dress suited to all occasions. So of all the black dresses I own, this bodycon dress from Asos most fits the bill.
Yes you heard me. body con dress. That means it clings to all my curves whether I want it to or not. But here goes.

Styled with a hat and a necklace and sandals and I am ready to go to the beach, or at least a pool party or a picnic.

Dress ASOS
Hat bought in Queensland last year
Necklace Christmas gift
Sandals Saimon brand from Shoes on Scarborough. ( great little independant shoe shop for thodr of you who live near scarborough beach.

To be honest, I'm really not sure if I have the body confidence to show ALL of my curves like this.

But look at the difference by adding a cardie and different shoes.

Now all of a suddden I am ready for work. 

Cardie from Autograph a few years ago. Necklace from the Eumundie markets. Shoes from Evans.

I have a terrible habit of looking over my glasses at my clients. I really have to concentrate on not doing it.

Thats better. I love these frames.

But, imagine it's not a 30 degree day and you are going straight from work to dinner with that special someone or perhaps to a show. That's where the LBD comes into its own.

Lose the cardie, add a sparkly top, change your jewelry and shoes and we are ready for a night of dancing or a night at the opera.

Top from Torrid

Shoes Evans UK

purse Collette

Ring Lovisa

Can I just say how much I love these shoes from Evans. I dont really do heels but these are so comfy and stable yet pretty and sparkly, I could walk or dance in them all night.
So that my friends is my LBD. Pretty versatile and a very good buy. What do you think?
Check out the other Aussie curves women. This is a blog hop

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